Spirit Strength

To hope is to gamble. It's to bet on the future, on your desires, on the possibility that an open heart and uncertainty is better than gloom and safety. To hope is dangerous, and yet it is the opposite of fear, for to live is to risk." - Rebecca Solnit

It has been a bit of a scary, exhausting and confusing season for us in Detroit. 

On the one hand, as we enter our second year putting down roots in this beloved city, we have been finding deep joy and grounding in more meaningful place-based work and opportunities to throw in with folks struggling for justice in our own neighborhood and beyond, as well as delighting in the slow weaving of new and old networks of support and kinship. This first quarter of 2023 has been a time of catching our breaths after the holidays and end-of-the-year grind, and returning to regular rhythms of Sabbath rest, rigorous AlAnon program and meetings, and restorative practices which have been composting deep wells of grief, lament, and pain into unexpected gifts of delight, promise, and new life.  

On the other hand, Lindsay has concurrently been suffering from an extreme blend of insomnia, brain fog and fatigue over the past couple of months, and has become increasingly debilitated over the past month. She is finally getting some clarity and comfort from diagnostic tests, including comprehensive blood panels, in addition to a brain scan coming soon. It could be Long Covid, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and/or other possibilities. Her B12 and iron are also low from 14 years of a pretty strict vegetarian diet. Lindsay is extremely grateful for the avenues of healing, treatment, and diagnosis she now has in place - both western medicine diagnostics (which she wouldn't have access to without our expanded statewide health care) + alternative healing practitioners, who are serving up more tools and medicine for addressing and treating root causes, rather than leaving her only to manage symptoms and live with such a dramatic decrease in functioning. 

It is a relief and a gift that her primary care physician is taking seriously her wide array of sudden and drastic symptoms. She is also receiving healing accompaniment from an acupuncturist and homeopath, who both came highly recommended and are brilliantly skilled. She has settled into an acceptance infused with hope - mostly from the little things that are breaking through more easily to her spirit right now. The sun peaking out from a long stretch of grey clouds (and even longer stretch of winter!). Morning and evening birdsong bringing her to tears. Her Mom's wise, loving, gentle, nurturing, knowing presence during her recent trip to California. Tommy's kind and gentle care and nurture, picking up the slack of things she can't do right now. Slow walks in the neighborhood amidst the subtle sprouting of Spring. Kindred friends - their prayers and emotional support, words of love and care, passed along prayers, poems, and songs, and tangible remedies and practical supports. The spirit strength of a network of Beloveds. 

This is a series of Instagram stories Lindsay posted a few days ago, along with a Recovery reading from her AlAnon daily reader, one of many little ways Spirit has been entering into the depths of her confused, exhausted and afraid moments, saying "It's ok. It's gonna be ok. I got you." These slides all say what she wants to say, so she re-formatted them as an "away on disability" message for her social media accounts - for the next couple weeks while she goes to appointments, gets treatment, receives care, adjusts to a new normal, and builds in pacing and rest.

We will see, and keep you posted, what comes on the other side.

We are strengthened and sustained by your continued prayers and love, and sending ours to you and yours during what we know to be a protracted season of grief and mourning for many of us.

We also pray Spirit is meeting you in the valleys, and breaking through the cracks in the concrete, at just the places where you find your own self coming to the end of your own understandings, control, and/or power.

Indeed, may greater healing flow to all of us - and to and from all the earth - from these very places.